when it rains, it floods.

When I woke up this morning we were in the midst of a thunderstorm. I went downstairs like normal, walked into the bathroom to open the window, and stepped in a puddle. The water that was entering through the bathroom wall was back. Last year I had that side of the house dug up and the foundation was sealed. I’m really pissed that it already failed.

I don’t have spare towels anymore and it’s going to keep raining. Right now I have a blanket and the bathroom hand towel against the wall in hopes that it’ll soak it up and hold it back from the rest of the basement. I don’t have the money to fix this outside of bandaid repairs like last year, so I’m basically fucked. This is a tens of thousands of dollars thing because there needs to be drains and grading to redirect the water to the street. The house will fall down before I can afford that 🤦🏻‍♀️

another nice day.

I got to sit outside on lunch again today. It’s so nice to be able to just lay in the sun and soak it up. It’s relaxing and also makes me feel better physically. As dangerous as tanning beds are, that’s the exact reason I’d use them through the winter when I was younger. It was like an instant anti-depressant.

The forecast is looking good temperature-wise, but it’s going to rain a lot. I am nervous about the yard flooding especially because Frankie has no qualms about running through the water and I don’t want him picking up any bacteria or getting bit by mosquitoes. Hopefully the ground can soak it up.

long productive day.

I signed on for work at 6:30am and ended up knocking stuff out til 11am, got so much of my pending stuff done. It is super easy for me to fall behind right now with the covid stuff going on. My mind is pre-occupied and I quickly fall into the black hole of stress that covid’s causing.

I haven’t slept well again. I’m not surprised but it’s frustrating nonetheless.

another sunday, ugh.

The quarantine has made me dread Sunday nights. It’s hard enough to fight off the stress during the weekend when I have nothing to focus on, but during the work week it is infinitely harder to stay calm. My job is incredibly frustrating so it just makes everything more difficult for me.

I know we won’t see normal any time soon, but I just want things to go a little closer to normal to see if that makes things easier on me. I wish I had someone to go through this with but all I have is Frankie, and he can’t really relate considering he’s a dog!

my body is giving up.

I felt like crap today. I fell asleep on the couch and felt weak. I am now laying in bed and it’s 10pm, which is a first in awhile. I haven’t felt sleepy at this time in well over a month.

I hope that I can actually sleep the whole night through. It’s been so long since I’ve felt well-rested and I just really need even one night of good sleep. Maybe it’ll help my attitude as well.

ventured outside today.

I got to leave my house for only the second time since we went into shelter-in-place because I had to drop two returns off at FedEx. I went about 45 minutes before they closed and the store was empty, which made me feel a bit relieved about it. I had a mask (which is actually required in stores and whatnot now) and hand sanitizer in the car, but I can’t help but be paranoid regardless.

It’s currently 33℉ and it’s May 8th. It sucks, but at least it’s not going to be super warm out this weekend. It’ll help keep people at home.

i’m so glad tomorrow is friday.

This week has sucked, I’ve been unmotivated, distracted, not physically well. I can’t sleep, I’m apathetic, I don’t know if I’ll ever snap of it.

The weekend is going to be cold so I won’t have the sun to rejuvenate me. I try to put only positive vibes out into the universe, in hopes that it’ll get returned to me, but I’ve yet to see that. I feel selfish for saying it, but I think I deserve to have something good happen. I can only take so much bad.

a day of doing nothing.

My exhaustion and stress came to a head today. I ended up taking the day off work because I woke up feeling like crap, and I was falling asleep at the laptop when I did get logged in. Last night was one of my worst sleeps yet. It’s like my body has forgotten how to even do it. How do you re-teach yourself to sleep?

I’m hoping that the super relaxed day will have gotten my body into sleep mode for tonight. I know I’m obsessing over this but I’ve always slept pretty well, so this is really tough on me, but also really new. I took a lot of restful nights for granted, that’s for sure.

technology issues, like always.

Today my Pleroma install borked. It decided my password was no longer valid. I did not have password resets turned on in the Admin front end, so I tried to enable it via the console. I couldn’t get into the config file because the front end UI was enabled. I used the command to generate a link but it said it was not available because resets aren’t enabled. I ended up just installing Mastodon. Pleroma has been a mess.

I’d like to use a non-stock version of Mastodon but I am shit at trying to get this stuff installed. I wish I understood the console and commands better.

i need motivation.

My motivation towards work has been shitty at best, thanks to our current world situation. I guess I still don’t function well under mental stress. I can’t say I’ve run into this since I was last in school.

My sleeping isn’t much better. Last night I went to sleep after midnight and woke up just past 4. It’s already 10:30 and I’m not tired enough to sleep so I think it’s going to be the same situation tonight. I miss sleep 😞