today also sucked.

I had wanted to sign on before 7am today to catch up, but I was so exhausted I couldn’t wake up. When I signed on I talked to my manager and offered to use PTO for yesterday, but he said it was okay and just to get caught up today. I tried but ran into some roadblocks. Tomorrow I will sign on early.

They announced that we’re getting days off around Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day. I had PTO scheduled for Tuesday, and now I’m off on Friday for free as well. I am really hoping for decent weather for all 5 days so that I can recharge. I will lay in the yard doing nothing for 5 days straight in hopes of achieving that.

I also started playing Red Dead Redemption 2 because they took GTA 5 off of Game Pass. I actually really like it so far.

i had a horrible day.

The water got really bad last night so this morning I had a rough go of it. I ended up not actually logging into work until noon, after I cleaned up down there and took a shower. After that I was too distracted and exhausted to even look at the computer screen. I feel so guilty but it’s really hard to separate all my covid feelings plus these flood feelings from everything to be able to work.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day of trying to catch up.

i am so tired of water.

As a pisces I never thought I’d ever have a bone to pick with water, but it’s getting on my last nerve. The basement bathroom flooded again. I am thinking it came from the toilet and it was some back pressure from the outside line, which worries me greatly. If it’s something wrong with the line and it’s on my side I am going to be fucked. I cannot afford a $1000 repair, let alone replacement of a water line.

I try so hard to be a good person, I don’t know why I get shit on so much.

bye bye, ig.

I deleted my Instagram accounts today. I hate Facebook and everything it’s done to the web, so I couldn’t in good conscience continue to use it. It also became pointless to use by getting rid of chronological posts and inserting ads every other photo. I also read today that they are showing sponsored stories as well. Yeah, no thanks.

I fully committed to Pixelfed by making Frankie an account on there like I had with IG. No one I know in real life will follow it as they’re all on IG, but that’s okay. I know that there are people on the fedi that will 😊

it only gets worse.

This morning when I looked outside, the lake in the yard had returned. It was actually the worst I’ve seen since living here, the water line was about a foot off the ground on the fence and the water actually went all the way behind the garage this time. I am more concerned about the other water entering the house right now, but this is also a major issue that needs the same solution: draining and grading to redirect the water. This house is such a fucking money pit and I am broke so it’s not a good combination.

The inside water issue took a really gross turn too. The crawl space must have gotten water, or the sump pump pit overflowed, because the wall in the bathroom that is against the crawl space showed water travel and left this nasty, sludgy, sandy dirt. It looked like someone took a shit all over the floor (without the smell thankfully!) and it was repulsive. I cleaned it kind of half-assed because it’s going to rain all weekend and I am sure it will come back. This whole situation is extremely frustrating. I was worried about mold behind the walls and now I have to worry about the blob taking over my house. I can’t win.

when it rains, it floods.

When I woke up this morning we were in the midst of a thunderstorm. I went downstairs like normal, walked into the bathroom to open the window, and stepped in a puddle. The water that was entering through the bathroom wall was back. Last year I had that side of the house dug up and the foundation was sealed. I’m really pissed that it already failed.

I don’t have spare towels anymore and it’s going to keep raining. Right now I have a blanket and the bathroom hand towel against the wall in hopes that it’ll soak it up and hold it back from the rest of the basement. I don’t have the money to fix this outside of bandaid repairs like last year, so I’m basically fucked. This is a tens of thousands of dollars thing because there needs to be drains and grading to redirect the water to the street. The house will fall down before I can afford that 🤦🏻‍♀️

another nice day.

I got to sit outside on lunch again today. It’s so nice to be able to just lay in the sun and soak it up. It’s relaxing and also makes me feel better physically. As dangerous as tanning beds are, that’s the exact reason I’d use them through the winter when I was younger. It was like an instant anti-depressant.

The forecast is looking good temperature-wise, but it’s going to rain a lot. I am nervous about the yard flooding especially because Frankie has no qualms about running through the water and I don’t want him picking up any bacteria or getting bit by mosquitoes. Hopefully the ground can soak it up.

long productive day.

I signed on for work at 6:30am and ended up knocking stuff out til 11am, got so much of my pending stuff done. It is super easy for me to fall behind right now with the covid stuff going on. My mind is pre-occupied and I quickly fall into the black hole of stress that covid’s causing.

I haven’t slept well again. I’m not surprised but it’s frustrating nonetheless.

another sunday, ugh.

The quarantine has made me dread Sunday nights. It’s hard enough to fight off the stress during the weekend when I have nothing to focus on, but during the work week it is infinitely harder to stay calm. My job is incredibly frustrating so it just makes everything more difficult for me.

I know we won’t see normal any time soon, but I just want things to go a little closer to normal to see if that makes things easier on me. I wish I had someone to go through this with but all I have is Frankie, and he can’t really relate considering he’s a dog!

my body is giving up.

I felt like crap today. I fell asleep on the couch and felt weak. I am now laying in bed and it’s 10pm, which is a first in awhile. I haven’t felt sleepy at this time in well over a month.

I hope that I can actually sleep the whole night through. It’s been so long since I’ve felt well-rested and I just really need even one night of good sleep. Maybe it’ll help my attitude as well.